


Snack time

by everythingremainsconnected



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Bad food analogies, Drug mentions and references, F/M, Fluff and Angst, classic miscommunication
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-15
Updated: 2017-01-15
Packaged: 2018-09-17 13:24:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9326714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/everythingremainsconnected/pseuds/everythingremainsconnected
Summary: Offering to feed the Rowdy 3 something other than pararibulitis seemed like a good idea at the time. Who would have known eating happy energy could have such angsty consequences?“Eating emotions of people changes them. Takes the memories out and leaves ‘em hollow. We figure no one misses a bad memory, but,” Martin waved his hand around vaguely. Cigarette smoke curled around him.“It’s not up to us to take good things from people.” Cross said sombrely.Amanda stared out the window for a moment. “What if they let you?”Martin shook his head. “Don’t even think about it, drummer girl.”It was too late. Amanda was already formulating a plan.





	

Amanda sat in the front passenger seat of the Rowdy van with her arms folded on the window ledge. The wind blew her hair around her face in a snapping mess and the night air smelled of summer and damp earth. Martin drove with a cigarette in his mouth and his fingers tapped the wheel in time to the music. In the back, Vogle and Cross were practicing their arm wrestling tactics while Gripps cheered them on.

In her pocket Amanda’s phone buzzed. She wriggled around in the seat to get it out of her stupidly tight jeans, making Martin smile at her antics. Eventually Amanda had her phone in her hand and opened the Snapchat notification. 

It was Dirk, grinning like mad, with the ridiculous unicorn filter on making all kinds of faces. She giggled. The next video was Dirk and Todd, her brother clearly there under sufferance, with the deer filter on. Amanda laughed hugely. Nothing was quite as hilarious as Todd suffering. 

Vogle, Gripps and Cross pushed and climbed over each other to look over Amanda’s shoulder and joined in the laughter. The short video finished and Amanda scrambled to show Martin the story version, delighting at his smirk when he saw how miserable Todd looked. She couldn’t stop laughing. 

Beside her, Martin breathed in deeply. Amanda glanced at him. “You hungry?” She asked. 

Martin smiled. “Sometimes you smell good enough to eat.” 

“Even without a pararibulitis attack?” Amanda blushed a little. She shuffled back to the passenger side of the bench seat. 

“Anything’s good as long as it’s strong.” Martin explained easily. 

“So, why do you only eat the bad stuff?” 

A strange silence fell. It was almost never quiet in the van. 

“Eating emotions of people changes them. Takes the memories out and leaves ‘em hollow. We figure no one misses a bad memory, but,” Martin waved his hand around vaguely. Cigarette smoke curled around him. 

“It’s not up to us to take good things from people.” Cross said sombrely. 

Amanda stared out the window for a moment. “What if they let you?” 

Martin shook his head. “Don’t even think about it, drummer girl.” 

It was too late. Amanda was already formulating a plan. 

  
*  


They pulled up for the night on the side of the road. There was a campfire and beers and they lounged around on blankets and sleeping bags. 

“I meant it before,” Amanda said eventually, looking around the fire at her family. “What if someone let you feed from them?” 

“We’re not talkin’ about this.” Martin tried. 

“What’s the big deal? You all eat my pararibulitis, which is great, by the way,” Amanda said with a smile, “so why not have something nice?” 

“This is not up for discussion.” Martin held Amanda’s eyes in a clear attempt at getting her to back down. He should have known better. 

“I want to do this. It’s my choice to make.” 

Martin shook his head. “You don’t know what it’s going to be like.” 

“Let me think about this,” Amanda said sarcastically, “I’m going to feel drained, and tired, and maybe a little confused. Big deal. It happens every time after an attack. What is your problem?” 

“I’m not gonna take anything from you!” Martin shouted at last. He got to his feet and stormed off into the darkness. 

Amanda watched him go, simultaneously worried about his reaction and a little amused at the temper tantrum. “What was that about?” She asked the others. 

“He always saw it as stealing,” Cross said with a shrug. 

“Not just stealing _from_ someone,” Gripps supplied, “but stealing a _part_ of someone.” 

Cross sighed. “Blackwing stole parts of us. He doesn’t want to do that to another person.” 

“Especially not you.” Vogle smiled sadly. 

“But I want to.” Amanda narrowed her eyes, suspecting more to it, and looked around. “Which way did he go?” 

The three guys pointed in the same direction. Amanda grabbed two beers from the fireside and went to follow Martin. 

Away from the fire it got cold quickly. Amanda tried not to shiver as the cool air blew through her jeans. Her vision adjusted and she saw Martin sitting against a tree close by, staring at nothing, with a cigarette in his mouth. 

“Hey,” Amanda called out, getting his attention. She sat in front of him and gave him a beer. He took it silently. “The boys told me about the Blackwing thing.” 

“I’m not doing that to you.” 

“Take it easy,” Amanda sipped her drink, “I think it’s time we talked about choice. I choose to be here with you. I choose to live in this crazy van with crazy strangers,” she smiled, “and I choose what happens to me and my emotions.” 

Martin stared at her. 

“I have made the choice to try this. If it’s as bad as you seem to think it’s going to be, then I’ll change my mind and it won’t happen again. But the point is, it’s my choice, and it’s your job to respect that.” 

“My job?” 

Amanda smiled again. “Yes, your job.” 

Martin sighed. 

“Now we’ve got that sorted, you wanna tell me what’s really bothering you?” 

“What do you mean?” 

Amanda looked at him with her eyebrows raised. “There’s more to this. Something you and the boys aren’t saying.” 

“What makes you think that?” Martin rebuffed. 

“I don’t need to be psychic to know when you’re holding something back.” 

Martin grunted. He took a long drag on the cigarette before offering it to Amanda. “I’ve never taken good energy from people I care about.” 

“And?” She took the cigarette carefully. 

“And I’m scared of what might happen.” 

Overprotectiveness was one of Amanda’s least favourite things. She tried not to be narky at Martin’s admission. “What kind of things might happen? Am I going to grow another head?” 

Martin met her eyes. “What if it changes you? And if it does, and it’s my fault,” he couldn’t finish the sentence. 

“You’ve been eating my attacks for weeks and it hadn’t hurt me. At all. It’s been the opposite, actually. What kind of evidence do you have that taking the good emotions will be so _different_ from when you take the bad ones?” 

“It can be unpredictable.” 

Amanda took one last drag before passing the cigarette back to Martin for him to finish. “I think your concern is touching, but misplaced. I think you’re afraid you might like it.” 

“You won’t quit, will you.” Martin knew it wasn’t a question. Amanda was as stubborn as he was. He found it charming and infuriating by turns. 

“Definitely not.” 

Martin looked at her for a long moment. “We try it once. That’s it. And it’ll just be something small.” 

“Great! I’ve got a plan.” Amanda shuffled over and sat beside Martin, pulling her phone out of her pocket. She opened YouTube and started a video of pandas falling over. It never failed to make her laugh. 

Martin inhaled deeply, the physical scent of Amanda and the emotional scent of her happiness filling his head. 

“Is it working?” Amanda gasped between laughs. Martin nodded. She dropped her phone and put her hand in his, grinning, holding onto the amusement at clumsy pandas. 

It was a slow trickle, a little whisper of coolness drawing out through her hand and into Martin’s. Their joined hands turned a faint purple as her happiness flowed to him and he breathed her in with a growl. He closed his eyes. Her joy tasted like the feel of sunlight on his skin, filling his every nerve with fizzing bright light and warmth. 

And just like that, it was done. Amanda exhaled and shivered a little. She kept hold of Martin’s hand as the hint of emptiness ebbed away. Martin sat back against the tree, reeling. 

“Are you ok?” Amanda asked eventually. 

“That was more than just panda videos,” Martin whispered. “You love it here. And I took that happiness from you.” 

“No you didn’t,” Amanda laughed at him. “That’s not a finite emotion. That’s part of who I _am_ and it’s a part that keeps growing.” She squeezed his hand still in hers. 

“How do you feel?” Martin asked. He seemed a little out of it. 

“Cold,” Amanda replied honestly. “A little, uh,” she paused, “a little like my brain had a hiccup. Like I forgot something?” She looked at her phone and saw the panda video with a smile. “I feel fine.” 

“You sure?” Martin turned a little to face her, reaching out to push her hair back from her face. 

“Yeah, I’m sure.” Amanda nodded. 

Martin pulled her into an uncomfortable hug and held her tightly. After a moment he let her go and collapsed against the tree again 

“You were really that worried?” Amanda watched Martin closely. He was dazed. “What is with you?” 

“We feed to keep from going insane. It’s like,” Martin shrugged, “Ritalin, for kids with ADD. The stronger the food, the stronger the effect.” He dragged his eyes back to her. “You’re really _happy_.” 

Amanda laughed. “I have never seen you this chill before. Are you high?” 

“A little.” Martin chuckled. 

“But it wasn’t even that much!” Amanda protested, grinning. 

“You’re really, _really_ happy.” Martin closed his eyes and sighed blissfully. 

“Well that’s just not fair, I’m all out of weed.” Amanda pouted. She chugged her beer and half of Martin’s. 

With a slightly dopey smile, Martin attempted to pull something out of his jeans pocket. He couldn’t quite manage. As much fun as it was to watch the normally coordinated anarchist fail at such a basic task, Amanda couldn’t stand it for long. 

“Oh my god, what are you doing?” She asked between fits of laughter. 

Martin slumped down to the ground to stretch his legs out, still struggling with the pocket situation. 

“Stop, I can’t take it!” Amanda leaned over him to reach into his pocket easily. She removed a hip flask. “Have you been holding out on me?” 

“Saving it for a special occasion.” Martin smiled. He stayed lying down, looking up at the night sky, definitely blissed out. 

Amanda helped herself to a large mouthful and sighed happily as the vodka warmed her belly. “I hope you didn’t want this back.” She said with a smile as she sipped it. With the beer she’d already had it didn’t take long for a tipsy haze to settle over her. She lay beside Martin to look at the stars. “How long will you stay like this?” She asked. 

“Dunno,” Martin glanced at her and smiled. “I’ve never had anything like this. Ever.” 

“Let’s hope it wears off by morning. I don’t think the guys would let you live it down.” 

Martin chuckled again. “Probably not. You’re pretty amazing, drummer girl.” 

“What makes you say that?” 

“There’s not many folks that offer to feed energy-sucking vampires.” 

“It just didn’t seem fair that all you ever got to have was the nasty stuff. I know you like it, but, I dunno,” Amanda mumbled, “I thought it’d be like eating nothing but chocolate, sometimes you might want pastry or something. I dunno.” She giggled. 

“You’re a pastry?” Martin laughed at her food analogy. 

“Shut up,” Amanda dug her elbow into his ribs with a smile, “you know what I mean.” She shivered as a particularly cool wind gusted over them. “Let’s get back to the fire.” 

“In a minute,” Martin said quietly. He rolled onto his side to look at her, raising himself up on one elbow. “I mean it. You’re amazing.” 

The intensity of his gaze pinned Amanda to the spot. “You’re high.” She corrected. It didn’t come out as glib as she had intended. 

“I’m still right.” 

Amanda looked up at him. She felt a flicker of an idea uncovered and pushed forward by vodka confidence. Amanda lifted herself up just enough to brush her lips against his. She lay back down, waiting, her heart racing. 

“Are you sure?” Martin asked, clearly in shock. 

“Yes.” 

Martin grinned before leaning down to kiss Amanda properly. 

  
*  


“Dirk! I messed up, _I messed up_!” Amanda whispered into her phone. 

“Amanda? What’s wrong, where are you?” Todd answered the phone in a panic. 

“What the hell, asshole? Put Dirk on the phone.” 

“No way, not until-” 

Amanda heard the sounds of a brief, hushed argument before a clipped British accent surfaced the victor. “Amanda? What’s happened?” 

“Jesus, Dirk, it’s a mess.” 

“What are you talking about? Perhaps try starting from the beginning?” 

“He was high, and I was vodka-flirty, and we hooked up and now I don’t know what to do. He hasn’t even said two words to me this morning.” Amanda blurted. 

Dirk sputtered. “How does a vampire get high? What kind of flirt is vodka-flirty? What level of hooking up is implied here and please, spare me the useless baseball analogies, they make _no_ sense. On second thought, I don’t want to know.” Dirk paused. “Which ‘he’?” The sounds of an infuriated brother could be heard in the background. 

“Martin. Obviously.” 

“ _Right_. Todd owes Farah twenty dollars.” Dirk took a deep breath. “First things first: how does a vampire get high?” 

Amanda explained the panda videos and the definite state of bliss that had settled over Martin afterward. “It was funny,” she said, smiling briefly at the memory. 

“And are you sure that’s all you gave him? The panda videos, I mean?” 

“Well,” Amanda paused, “he said that something else got through. Something bigger, like my general state of being happy around him. Them.” 

Dirk mm-hmmed. “I think maybe you fed him something really big. Something none of them have ever had before.” 

“Oh god, what did I do? Is it some sort of memory erasing agent? Actually, that wouldn’t be so bad.” Amanda mused. 

“Uh, no. Maybe you fed him love? A bit?” 

“ _What_?” Amanda screeched. Todd echoed the sentiment in the background. “Oh shit. Does that mean that whatever happened,” she gulped as tears stung her eyes, “that whatever happened, only happened because he was high and now he doesn’t know how to tell me?” 

“I don’t know.” Dirk admitted sadly. “There’s not a wealth of research available on this situation.” 

“Do you have any hunches? Or intuitions? _Anything_ that might help?” Amanda asked desperately. 

“Pretend like it never happened?” 

Amanda sighed. “Not helpful.” She heard the boys packing up the van behind her. “I gotta go.” She hung up the phone without waiting for a response. 

Pushing the emotional turmoil from her mind, Amanda bounced back to the van and helped clear up their campsite. She carefully avoided Martin the whole time. He’d made it quite clear he didn’t want to speak to her so she returned the favour. 

When it was time to go Amanda climbed in the back with Vogle, Cross and Gripps. The three exchanged a brief puzzled look before glaring at Martin, who did his best to ignore all of them. 

Gripps painted Amanda’s nails bright pink as they drove. 

  
*  


The strange silence lasted til they stopped for the night. An abandoned barn provided some shelter and something to vandalise, and Amanda joined in with an uncomfortable amount of enthusiasm. 

Martin watched on, deeply concerned. Once the boys and Amanda had wrecked enough of the barn to be satisfied but left enough to sleep under, Martin whistled. Vogle, Cross and Gripps filed past him, glaring, and went to unload the van. Martin and Amanda were left alone. 

They stared at each other for long moments before Martin spoke. “I knew that feedin’ from you like that would be a bad idea. Somethin’s changed. Somethin’s wrong.” 

“It’s not that.” Amanda was quiet. She fidgeted with the sleeve of her jacket. “Do you remember what happened after? After you took my energy last night?” 

Martin looked away uncomfortably. “Some.” 

“Some. Ok.” Amanda said sarcastically. She went on the offensive as her heart started to pound. “Do you remember telling me that you think I’m amazing? Do you remember the part where I kissed you? How about the part where you kissed me back? Coz I can remember all of that _and_ this morning when you wouldn’t even look at me.” 

“You were drunk!” Martin finally replied. “I thought,” he lowered his head, “I thought you only did those things because you were drunk. When I woke up this morning and you were beside me I had to give you an out. Give you the chance to pretend it never happened.” 

“I kissed you because I like you.” Amanda was still angry. “Ok, maybe I found the balls to kiss you because of some vodka, but I meant it. And for the last time, me giving you some happy energy has _nothing_ to do with this.” 

“It has everything to do with this.” Martin argued. “I would never have talked to you like I did if I wasn’t high as fuck.” 

Amanda felt the air leave her lungs. “You only kissed me because you were high.” She realised. 

“Yes. No!” Martin realised his mistake as soon as he saw Amanda’s eyes widen in horror. 

She turned and left. 

  
*  


“Icarus? You better not be lying to me.” Martin snarled into the phone. 

Dirk stammered, “of course not. I wouldn’t lie to you and certainly not about this.” 

“How do you lose a person? A whole person?” Todd shouted in the background. 

“She hasn’t called us and there’s nothing on any social media about where she might be. I promise. Where are you, exactly?” Dirk tried. 

“Texas.” Martin ended the call. 

“How _did_ you lose her?” Vogle asked. “And how come you can’t find her?” 

Martin growled, “she’s hiding herself from me.” Later he might have time to think about how Amanda managed it, but he couldn’t think that far ahead while she was unaccounted for. 

“She can’t have gone far in the dark. Come on.” Cross and the others wandered into the night, searching for the slightly missing Amanda. 

Eventually Martin found her half a mile away from the barn. She heard him approach and said, “you couldn’t have left me to die of embarrassment in peace?” 

“We were worried about you.” 

“Don’t be.” 

“Ok, _I_ was worried about you.” 

“Well, you’re not high, so you must mean that.” 

“I meant what I said last night,” Martin told her, “but the only reason I could say anything was _because_ I was affected by you. By what you gave me.” Martin stared. “Can I sit with you?” 

Amanda shrugged. “Whatever.” 

Martin sat beside her. “I’ve never felt like this before.” 

“Coming down?” 

“No,” Martin chuckled. “You’re amazing.” He tried. 

Amanda sighed. “Sure.” 

Martin lit a cigarette and offered it to Amanda. She took it without a word. “When we were in the CIA labs, they kept us together because we made damn sure it was too hard to keep us apart. The only people we ever interacted with were each other.” Martin sighed. “After we got out, I still don’t know how to deal with other people.” 

“This is the part where I normally would jump to your defence, but you fucked up, so that’s not gonna happen.” Amanda passed the cigarette back. 

“I know.” Martin nodded. “I think I like you.” 

Amanda laughed cynically. “Ok. You ‘think’ you like me. That’s great.” 

“Alright drummer girl, have it your way.” Martin turned his head to look at her. “I know I like you and,” he paused, “I’m sorry for what I said before.” 

“Really?” Amanda looked at him and felt herself relenting. 

Martin nodded. “I wasn’t planning on telling you. Ever. But then you wouldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer and you got me _so high_ ,” he half-smiled, “I couldn’t help it.” 

Amanda returned the small smile. 

“Are we ok?” 

“I guess so.” Amanda nodded. “What happens now?” 

Martin shrugged. “Whatever we want.” He leaned over and kissed her softly.


End file.
